Barney's Blog - 1x17: Sweet Sixteen

Each year, 348 hot chicks vie for the title of "Hottest Chick," and every year I pit them against each other in the greatest cat fight of them all, March Hotness.

Last year we crowned Porn Star the hottest chick, but after a rough season full of hard knocks, she enters the fracas as just a 2 seed.


REGIONAL CHICK MATCH-UPS

Help me "fill in my brackets" by voting for the hotter chicks in these match-ups.

OBVIOUS CHICKS

Cheerleader
Be aggressive. B-E aggressive. B-E A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E.

VS.

Lebanese Girl
‘Nuff said.

Porn Star
You can’t improve on a classic. Except surgically.

VS.

Alien Chick
She has three breasts, but she might suck your brains out your ear.

CLICHÉ CHICKS

Catholic Schoolgirl
It’s too late for you. Make it too late for her.

VS.

Farmer’s Daughter
The tastiest meat is 100% corn-fed.

High School Lacrosse Champion
Looks great in shorts, and exploring lesbian tendencies.

VS.

Convict
She’s trouble. Sexy trouble.

TABOO CHICKS

Freshly 18-Year-Old Girl
Boldly go where no man has legally gone before.

VS.

Distant But Hot Cousin
Come on. If you didn’t know, you’d totally hit that.

Mute Chick
Con: No talking during. Pro: No talking afterwards.

VS.

Taller-Than-You-Chick
She’s a supermodel… but with her, you’re just a short guy.

EASY CHICKS

Grieving Widow
Needs you to fill the emptiness in her… life.

VS.

Funny Chick
Never had a date for prom, and she’s not over it, either.

Island Native
Approach her with a peace offering…an olive branch. In your pants.

VS.

Librarian
Ironic twist: SHE’s long overdue.